A simple and profoundly helpful tool in my work of facilitating clients' growth and transformation is to help them to name 6 big emotions. The simple tool of learning to name what emotions you are experiencing is a necessary step if you want to transform them (e.g. your own, your children, or spouse’s emotions) into your allies, instead of having them remain as your enemies. This practice is called, “Name it to Tame it”. “Name it to Tame it” is the phrase coined by Daniel Siegel, a psychiatrist and the key leader in the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology, to highlight the necessity of naming one’s emotion in promoting one’s mental health.
What emotions do humans experience in times of distress? During these times, there are 6 universal emotions humans experience: Sadness, Shame, Anger, Fear, Disgust, and Despair. I tell my clients to simply remember the word “SAD'' to help them easily memorize these 6 emotions, two for each letter. Take a moment to look at the chart and test if you could easily and quickly name those 6 emotions.
These are called ‘big’ emotions because experiencing one or several of these 6 emotions itself can be a big and difficult experience for children since their mind and body are not ready to fully metabolize yet. It is not the children’s fault that their capacity to do so is not there yet. Children are supposed to naturally and gradually develop their capacity to regulate their big emotions as they repeatedly receive parents’ support and guidance in metabolizing these big 6 emotions. This process is called ‘co-regulation.’
When we experience these 6 emotions alone without care nor support this is experienced as trauma. The good news is that we can take small easy steps to bring healing and hope to the trauma of disconnection we all have experienced. Identifying and naming these 6 big emotions can be integrated into EMDR therapy, but we can also benefit from naming it to tame it without EMDR therapy.
All relationships would benefit from individuals who can name their emotions. Consider this simple practice below to bring healing and hope.
One simple practice I can encourage you to do is to befriend your 6 big emotions:
1. Get to know their names (SAD).
2. Open to receive what they want to offer as your friend.