When the relationship feels farther away
Disconnection is not always loud. It can show up as careful politeness, a lack of conversation, less affection, or the sense that you are living beside each other rather than with each other. For other couples, it shows up in arguments that begin quickly and leave both people feeling alone.
You may be seeking support because you are experiencing:
- Recurring conflict that never seems resolved
- A pattern of pursuing, withdrawing, criticizing, or becoming defensive
- Feeling misunderstood, dismissed, or emotionally alone
- Tension around parenting, extended family, trust, intimacy, or differences in desire
- The impact of stress, past hurt, cultural expectations, or major life changes
- A longing for greater closeness without knowing how to reach for it
Why familiar patterns can be hard to change
In close relationships, reactions often happen quickly. Under stress, each person may move toward strategies that once helped them cope: pressing for reassurance, stepping back to avoid escalation, becoming critical, or going quiet. The intention may be protection, but the effect can be more distance.
Sungshim’s work draws on attachment, trauma-informed, experiential, and relational neuroscience perspectives to explore these cycles with care. Rather than treating either partner as the problem, therapy can help you notice the pattern that pulls you apart and the emotions beneath it. Naming a pattern is not the same as changing it. New responses usually need understanding, emotional experience, and time to practice.
A relational approach that makes room for both people
Sungshim approaches couples therapy with respect for each person’s story, values, culture, and hopes for the relationship. The focus is not on winning an argument or deciding who is right. It is on creating conditions where each partner may better understand their own experience, hear the other more fully, and respond with greater awareness.
Her approach integrates relational neuroscience, attachment, trauma-informed care, and experiential learning. Christian spiritual integration is available when it is appropriate and desired by the people in the room. It is never a requirement for receiving care.
Building relational capacity: knowing, experiencing, and practicing
Relational growth calls for more than insight. Sungshim’s work invites couples to develop capacity in three connected ways.
Knowing
You may learn to recognize your repeating cycle, the vulnerable feelings it can cover, and the needs or fears that arise in moments of disconnection. Understanding can give language to experiences that have felt confusing or impossible to explain.
Experiencing
Therapy creates opportunities to stay with meaningful emotions in a supported conversation rather than moving immediately into familiar reactions. Couples may practice hearing and being heard in ways that feel more direct, honest, and connected.
Practicing
Insight becomes more useful when it is carried into everyday life. You may try intentional ways of pausing, speaking, listening, or reconnecting between sessions. Practice is a way to notice what supports a more responsive relationship and what needs further care.
What sessions may look like
Early sessions offer time to understand what has brought you in, what each of you is experiencing, and what you hope to address. Sungshim will listen for interactional patterns that matter to both partners.
Sessions may include guided conversation, attention to moments when a cycle appears, and opportunities to express feelings or needs that are often hard to share at home. The work may also reflect on family, faith, culture, past experiences, or other contexts that shape the relationship.
About Sungshim Park Loppnow, LMFT
Sungshim Park Loppnow, LMFT, offers couples therapy and relational transformation work in English and Korean. Her background includes pastoral counseling in Korea beginning in 1996 and study in marriage and family therapy after coming to the United States in 1999. Her professional interests include systems theory, attachment, emotionally focused therapy, interpersonal neurobiology, EMDR, brain-based relationship skills, and spiritual direction.
Her Korean and American cultural experience, as well as her experience in an interracial marriage, inform her appreciation for the many contexts couples bring to therapy. Sungshim is a developer of Immanuel Journaling and co-author of Joyful Journey.
Questions couples often ask
What if my partner is not ready for therapy?
It is common for partners to have different levels of readiness. You are welcome to request a consultation to discuss your situation and available options. Couples therapy requires the participation of both partners, and no one can be made ready on another person’s timetable.
Is Christian spiritual integration part of every session?
No. Spiritual integration is optional, client-led, and included only when it is appropriate and desired. Couples of different beliefs, shared beliefs, or no religious affiliation are welcome to ask about Sungshim’s approach.
What are the fees, session length, and insurance options?
Please ask about current fees, session length, insurance policy, and appointment availability when you request a consultation. These practical details can be reviewed before you decide whether to begin.
Can we meet by video?
Video-session availability depends on current practice options, confirmation of Sungshim’s licensure, and where each client is physically located at the time of a session. Ask about video and in-person options when you contact the practice. The practice is located in Montrose, California.
Is couples therapy appropriate when there is fear, coercive control, or violence?
Couples sessions may not be appropriate when there is coercive control, violence, fear of retaliation, or another safety concern. If it is safe for you to do so, contact the practice by phone before requesting joint sessions so an appropriate next step can be considered. Do not put detailed safety concerns in the initial website form. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.
Do we need to have one specific issue to begin?
No. Some couples come with a clear concern, such as trust, parenting, in-laws, or intimacy. Others only know that they feel distant or stuck. A consultation can help clarify whether this approach fits what you are facing.
Begin with a conversation
If your relationship has begun to feel shaped by conflict, distance, or misunderstandings, you do not have to have every answer before reaching out. A consultation is an opportunity to ask questions, share what is happening, and learn more about couples therapy with Sungshim.